SPOILERS if you are one of the three people who didn’t see The Muppets this weekend!

5 – Donald Glover

Yes, it he was on screen for fifteen seconds and had two small lines. But, as a TV exec working for Rashida Jones, he wore a grey suit and looked damn good. I missed a few lines that scene as I stage whispered to everyone around me “HE LOOKS GOOD IN A SUIT!”

4 – Neil Patrick Harris

It’s not surprising Jason Segel would bring his most famous How I Met Your Mother co-star along for The Muppets, and NPH reads our minds with the line “No, I don’t know why I’m not hosting this thing either” during the Muppets Telethon.

3 – Emily Blunt

What makes Emily Blunt’s appearance great isn’t just her, it’s that it’s her character from The Devil Wears Prada. She’s working at Vogue Paris now, for Miss Piggy (or “Madamoiselle Cochonee”) with her trademark snotty demeanor.

2 – Jim Parsons

Did anyone even know that Sheldon Cooper was going to be in this movie? No one in my theatre did, as they all gasped and cheered when he appeared as the human version of muppet Walter in the best song of the movie, “Am I A Muppet Or Am I A Man.”

1 – Dave Grohl
Dave Grohl, lead singer of the Foo Fighters and former Nirvana drummer, aka rock legend, appeared in the Muppets movie. He appeared in the Muppets movie dressed as Animal. He appeared in the Muppets movie dressed as Animal in a Muppets tribute band called the Moopets. That happened, and it was AWESOME.

Last night, AMC premiered the last addition to their line-up, Hell on Wheels. The Civil War era western kicked of with murder, revenge, slaves, trains, Native Americans, greed, corruption and a lot of interesting and morally grey characters. Within the first five minutes, this show was intense, dramatic and way better than The Walking Dead. After 60 minutes? We’ll see.

The main plot revolves around former Confederate soldier Cullen Bohannon, out for revenge for his wife’s murder. The episode begins dramatically with him killing a man in a church confessional as part of the hunt for her killer.  His travels bring him to the construction of Union Pacific’s first Transcontinental Railroad, where he becomes a foreman overseeing former slaves.

A few things this show would like you to know: Bohannon is a good guy. Yes he’s a murderer out for revenge, but he freed his slaves before the war! And he’s good (well, better than everyone else) to the black workers! He’s progressive! I assume this was clarified so often because it’s the pilot episode and we’re just introducing his character and there’s no room for subtlety. Also, the average viewer might have been too turned off by the casual racism from the characters; we need someone we can root for even just a little.

The cast is good, with Colm Meaney playing a scheming railroad businessman, rapper-actor Common playing an angry and violent former slave, but the plot moved a bit too slowly in parts. I know it’s a pilot episode and we have to set up the characters, the stories and the world, but some scenes tended to feel weighed down with character exposition and not much more. On a completely unrelated note, the show is beautifully shot and just wonderful to look at. Thank Calgary, Alberta for that landscape.

A story arch to look out for will be Lily Bell’s, for sure. She and her ailing husband were surveying the railroad, which crossed into Native American territory. The Natives ambushed their camp, killing everyone in a very graphic and very cool scene. Lily and her husband escape but are chased down. Her husband is killed; she takes an arrow to the hand, pulls it out and stabs her attacker to death with it. She’s far removed from the rest of the main cast right now, but you don’t count a moment like that out.

There’s a lot going on in the show. Racial tensions, Confederate soldiers trying to find their place in the nation after having lost the war, the ever-expanding railroad, Irish immigration, tensions with Native Americans, etc. It was a busy time in the US history and it’s a lot for a show to tackle. So far it’s been a good effort, but you can never tell by just one episode. Until next week…

The latest collab from Diablo Cody and Jason Reitman, after the polarizing flicks Juno and Jennifer’s Body, stars Charlize Theron as an unlikeable trainwreck. She heads back to the crappy hometown she grew up in to break up Patrick Wilson’s marriage so he can run away with her. She’s my new role model.

Young Adult is out this December, and if you haven’t seen it yet, check out the flawless Judy Blume inspired poster.

There are so many things in this trailer that they got right. First and foremost, SWEDISH ACCENTS! The movie is still set in Sweden (not Chicago or New Mexico or wherever other American directors would try to move it) and instead of the vague “British-y, this is European right?” accents we so often hear employed for “foreign,” we have real Swedish accents. Marvelous!

The dialogue seems to be lifted straight out of the source material. That implies that we’re sticking pretty close to the book. Fincher has said he’ll be changing a few things, including, allegedly, the ending (so all you smug book fans can’t lure your knowledge of the ending over your friends), but from what we’ve seen in the trailer everything is on the right track.

Rooney Mara. Now, I have seen this girl act for all of five minutes in The Social Network and she was great. I have never seen her in anything else, but I’m sold on her. She had to be good enough to impress Fincher, for one (who turned down Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Lawrence for the role so he obviously has taste), and she just seems to embody Lisbeth Salander. Noomi Rapace was great in the Swedish trilogy and I think Rooney is going to do an equally worthy job.

Now, the Swedish films were not my favourite. The acting was fine to great, and they stayed very true to the source material. The problem, however, lied in the pacing – in trying to include everything, the movie just sailed by and never gave us time to digest or appreciate what was happening. Considering Fincher’s body of work, I think he’ll be able to avoid this problem. He knows how to craft a story and leave us guessing the ending, while still creating an atmosphere and developing interesting characters. At least, let’s hope he pulls this off and it’s more of a Fight Club than a Benjamin Button.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is released December 2011 and will win ALL THE AWARDS!!!!!!!!!

Side Note: If anyone knows where there is a full version of Trent Reznor & Karen O’s Immigrant Song, used in the teaser trailer, I will reward you with your weight in gold. Maybe.

So Moneyball! It stars Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill (never thought I’d see those names listed together) and is a real life story of a baseball team that’s losing. Then Brad Pitt comes and shakes things up and wants to add more misfits to the team, but then they face some obstacles (money, an outdated system that doesn’t want to change), and now they are maybe winning or at least doing better than they were before. He’s sort of an underdog team manager, you see? Anyway I don’t want to give too much away. I’m sure this movie about a baseball team either winning or losing will really just be a backdrop to the real story about taking chances or facing adversity or something. Not to say this movie looks bad! Au contraire! I’m sure it’s really good, and Brad Pitt will be really good in it, and Aaron Sorkin helped write it, people. The man only writes gold. In fact I think I’ll like this movie, I mean I liked the last three versions of it.

Moneyball comes out this September and we will all be shocked by the red carpet pictures with skinny Jonah Hill.

He’s just not that into you – Sex and the City

I started watching Sex and the City long before I had sex or lived in a city. It was one of those shows that as a preteen, then as a teen, I lived vicariously through, awaiting my glamourous adult life where I would work as a writer but still be able to afford designer shoes and brunch with my friends every day. Although it did give me unrealistic explanations about that, it actually managed to teach me some important girl-stuff before I was at a stage in life where I’d really need it. Such as, he’s just not that into you. (Crappy movie non-withstanding).
When Miranda learned that having a guy blow you off meant that he didn’t like her that much, it liberated her so that she wouldn’t worry about him and move onto the next guy. I adopted this lifestyle choice and never would have thought twice, if it weren’t for all my female friends who obviously never watched SATC. You know, the ones who are all “well yeah he’s cancelled plans four weeks in a row but work is really busy right now, you know? And his little brother’s sick. I messaged him on facebook and he didn’t respond so I’ll just message him again, he probably missed it. Should I call him? I’ll see if he’s free this Friday or if his baseball team has another impromtu practice.” No. Girl, no. Do not waste all your energy acting crazy for a guy who’s, say it with me, just not that into you. Miranda Hobbes your life. It feels good.

Growing up is complicated – The Simpsons

Lisa Simpson has no close friends and gets picked on at school. Her interests are really niche and sometimes weird. She loses faith in her church and tries to learn about different religions, to the trepidation of her family. She stops eating meat. She gets an awkward crush on her teacher. She’s more liberal than her family. She can be self-righteous and a bit of a know-it-all, especially for an eight year old. She’s super smart but still gets lost taking the bus alone for the first time. She’ll get a new hobby or obsession for a few weeks, like astronomy of spelling bees, and then next week she’ll be over it and back to her Malibu Stacy dolls. She’s kind of a normal kid. Normal kids don’t usually show up on TV. Kids on TV are like, either child delinquents or total prodigies wise beyond their years or do super cool unrealistic things like run an all-kids radio station (where do they get the funding?) or live in a hotel. I can’t relate to that stuff. But inappropriate crushes on teachers (or Dustin Hoffman)? Having the parents totally weirded out by not going to church or being vegetarian? Reading at a higher-grade level than the other kids at school? I get that. I’m not some weird, lone kid or a special snowflake or totally doomed to a horrible life. Lisa’s alright, so am I.

Cool girls never win – The OC

Judge me all you want, but I adored the first season of The OC. I mean, I was sixteen so it’s totally justifiable, and I jumped ship way before they jumped the shark and like, killed Marissa and had alternate universe episodes. First season was a thing of beauty, teen angst and melodrama and every teen girl’s new dream guy, Seth Cohen. Seth Cohen! He was cute and curly haired and into comic books and indie music and like, got you. He wanted to stay up all night and talk and make you mixtapes while those moron jocks just want to get you wasted and naked. How could you not fantasize about Seth Cohen? He’s the teenage dream.
Throughout season one, Seth had two main love interests. The first was Summer, the bitchy rich girl he’d had a crush on since he was like five or something. She was softening up and that it was in fact very sweet that he still liked her after she’d been a raging bitch to him up until this point in their lives. The second was Anna, a quirky new girl with a pixie cut who also liked comic books and indie music and wasn’t superficial or stuck up. She was the female Seth Cohen. Which is, ultimately, why he decided he could never be with her and dated Summer for the rest of the show. Wait, what? Okay, that’s fine. Anna meets someone totally cool and new who digs her for who she is, right? Nope, she leaves town and we only see her again in like, one or two eps in the later season. Life’s a bitch.

It’s okay to be a late bloomer – 30 Rock

Liz Lemon (and okay, Tina Fey) was not cool in high school. Or college. Or her 20s. Basically, she was a big old mess of a person until she hit her stride in her 30s and got a kickass job and being smart and funny and patient finally all paid off. That’s it! That’s all I ever wanted to hear. High school wasn’t the “best years of your life,” college was kind of inconsequential and the whole being poor and having a shitty job thing really stops your 20s from being the glamorous partying and finding “the one” faze. But 30s to 40s? God damn, I am going to rock that. Similar to Liz, I will finally have that awesome dream job I’ve always wanted and people will laugh at all my stupid jokes and I can yell at everyone at my high school reunion before hopping on my jet back to NYC. Suck it, nerds!

Normally I’d  just insert the youtube video, but Warner Brothers is all over this shit and it will likely be taken down in a few hours. Not surprising, they have a frightening ability to keep movie news on lock down. Remember when they played exclusive Deathly Hallows footage at Comic-Con and none leaked? Literally no other studio can boast that. They must have Batman himself patrolling the crowd.

Anyway, I first saw the teaser trailer played Deathly Hallows Part Two in most theatres across North America this weekend. If youtube takes it down and you haven’t been fortunate enough to view it yet, let me summarize:

It opens with the WB logo and I immediately sit forward going “OMG OMG IS THIS IT THIS IS IT IS THIS IT???” The score kicks in with scenes of Commissioner Gordon in a hospital bed, possibly dying? Looks like he’s dying. He’s talking to an unseen Bruce Wayne, spliced with scenes from previous films in the series (notably the training sessions in Batman Begins). There’s a line from Liam Neeson (is R’as Al Ghul back?????) and a shot of Tom Hardy as Bane and a lot of text flashing on the screen saying things like “Journey’s begin… and end” and “The final film in the Dark Knight trilogy” and “seriously guys, we’re not making another one.” Okay maybe it wasn’t that literal, but the was the gist.

It’s hard to convey in mere words how perfect this tiny trailer was. I’m biased, of course, because I’m a bit of a Batman fan, but considering my expectations were met and then some by the previous two films, I doubt Nolan and co will be dropping the ball anytime soon.

There were two things I especially liked about this trailer.

The insistence that this was the final film: Now don’t get me wrong, I want Christopher and Jonathon Nolan to keep on keepin’ on, writing and directing the most flawless comic book movies to date with a perfect cast. However, they want out and they are making sure their legacy will remain untouched. This is the last in their trilogy, we’re not getting some Joel Schumacher bullshit where someone throws in a crappy knockoff and acts like it’s all part of the same continuity. Nope, the Nolan’s masterpiece sits at three and WB are going to have to start from scratch when it’s all done. Not the best news for us fans, but great thinking ahead for the Nolan bros.

The clips from Batman Begins: No one is saying The Dark Knight isn’t good, but everyone seems to forget the first film in the series. Batman Begins blew my mind, okay? I wasn’t expecting much going in (I had assumed it was another Joel Shumacher bullshit film. I recall saying things like “won’t top the Tim Burton originals”. I have obviously recanted.) It was a perfect film. It introduced us to the origins in a different way than we’re used to. We all know Batman’s parents are dead, but did we know he had awesome training montages with Liam Neeson? The fact that it used lesser-known villains of R’as Al Ghul and Scarecrow was genius as well. It was so refreshing, not like any Batman movie we’d seen before. Not to mention the perfect casting choices – Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy, the aforementioned Liam Neeson who catapults any film he’s in to a higher class, etc. Aside from Katie Holmes, this was a flaw-free film. TANGENT! My point was, I feel like Batman Begins doesn’t get its due by the movie-going public and I loved that WB, DC and the Nolan’s aren’t acting like Dark Knight Rises is just a sequel to The Dark Knight – it’s the final piece of an amazing trilogy.

Long story short, The Dark Knight Rises will be released July 2012 and I will see it every day for a month straight.

Based on a 1974 novel of the same name, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy is the story of a retired secret agent (Gary Oldman) who comes back to work to hunt down a Russian mole.

Alongside Oldman, the film also stars Oscar Winner Colin Firth (man that sounds good), Tom Hardy and that other Sherlock Holmes, Bennedict Cumberbatch, in the best British cast you could possibly imagine.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy will be released this September and probably be flawless. Too soon for Oscar predictions?

Emma Watson

Emma looked characteristically gorgeous at the premiere. The Oscar de la Renta dress is just the perfect amount of poofy and makes her darling and sophisticated – on many it would look like they’re overdressing for prom, but Emma makes it work. Side note, her hair looks amazing now that it’s starting to grow out a tiny bit. I felt the Rosemary’s Baby hair was a little too sculpted to her head, now that it has some texture it looks fantastic. It’s going to be weird seeing her with long hair again in the movie!

Looking flawless is not new for Emma, as she has been rocking the red carpet for a while now.

It’s no wonder she’s become the style icon of the cast. She’s always wearing the latest designer pieces while still maintaining her classic sense of style, and she’s always age appropriate. If I could trade wardrobes with anyone, it’s her for sure. The gold Burberry is a long-time favourite of mine.

Evanna Lynch

She was the show stealer for me at the premiere. Her dress is flirty and cute, her hair and makeup are on point and she just looks great. Love the white lace - she’s making the trend work for her.

For someone who’s usually hit or miss, this was a definite hit.

Personally, I was never a fan of the darker hair on Evanna. She’s gorgeous with her natural blonde, and the auburn washed her out a bit. She also looks best in the shorter or a-line dresses like the grey and the red. The long black and white dress is almost a hit, if it weren’t for the mis-matched beach-wave hair and turquoise earrings. The other two, however, are without saving. Blame it on the nargles!

Bonnie Wright

Ginny, Ginny, Ginny. What are you wearing? The top half is a pink ruffled mess, and the too-shiny, too-long, too-shapeless bottom isn’t doing you any favours. Definitely my least favourite of the night!

I’m not going to lie, I’m not the biggest fan of Bonnie. She doesn’t bring much to the (admittedly sparse) role of Ginny and off-screen she’s a bit of a hot mess.

What is she thinking? (And I don’t just mean about Jamie Campbell-Bower.) She’s either wearing something completely drab and grandma-esque, or she’s ruining a pretty outfit with way too harsh make-up and hair, like at Half Blood Prince’s premiere. This girl is so young! Why are you borrowing fashion tips from Betty White? The last picture, from a Tokyo press conference for Deathly Hallows Part One, is my favourite look for Bonnie. She’s fresh-faced, the outfit is cute and age appropriate and she looks absolutely darling. More of this, please!

Clemence Poesy

Is it fair to include this French goddess? She’s obviously going to look stunning. I love her red carpet look here, the classic black and white with high collar, it’s beautiful and elegant and just slightly unusual and everything else I love about Clemence.

But, as I said, she’s French. She always looks fabulous.

Simple, classic, elegant. She’s absolutely beautiful, even if no outfit will be as lovely as Fleur’s McQueen inspired wedding dress.

So that’s it, our girls are all grown up and and have blossomed (mostly) into glamourous young women. But they still have some time to go before they’ll ave work the red carpet quite like the queen:

HBC wears what she wants, when she wants and doesn’t care what you have to say about it. Now that’s fashion.

Last night, The Killing – that moody new AMC drama – had its first season finale. After 12 episodes of suspects, plot twists and rain (oh god, the rain) we were finally going to find out who killed Rosie Larsen.

Except we didn’t.

Now, this has a lot of people frustrated, pissed off and up in arms. Reviews have ranged from “waste of time” to “hated it with the with the burning intensity of 10,000 white-hot suns.” So, not good. Spoilers beware, here’s what happened:

Last episode, we learned that teenage Rosie worked as a prostitute out of a casino and had been abducted by an angry john. Linden and Holder, through email, discover that angry john was… Mayoral candidate Richmond!

Oh, okay. The teenage hooker was murdered by the politician. Whatever. Not the most interesting resolution, but after 12 weeks I was just ready to find out who the killer was, am I right?

So the final episode has the detectives trying to find the evidence to pin Richmond to the crime, while Rosie’s parents continued to sit in the dark and look sad.

Let’s just stick to the interesting plot line: they need photo evidence of Richmond in the car at a toll bridge to prove he was responsible. Linden decides to go alone to Richmond (the killer) in the middle of the night to yell at him for being a murderer. Weird and potentially dangerous, but whatever, just get me to the conclusion! While she’s doing this, Holder finds the photo! They arrest Richmond! Linden finally gets on that plane to California! All is well!

Except it isn’t. Linden gets a phone call that there is no way they could have got a photo – all the toll booth cameras are down. Cut to Holder getting into the passenger seat of a car and saying to the unseen driver “they bought it. Richmond’s going down.” And Belko (works with Mr Larsen, if you’ve forgotten. Mentally challenged, with the overbearing mother? We thought he was a suspect a few episodes back?) pulls out a gun to shoot a handcuffed Richmond. Fade to black.

Well, if nothing else, it was interesting and dramatic – the only problem was it was the first interesting and dramatic episode all season.

Week after week I watched the plot crawling along, slowly revealing clues and red herrings, all under the impression it was building to something. I suffered through the particularly slow weeks (Linden’s son skips school? Who cares!) and the duller plot lines (really, that mayoral election had me on the edge of my seat. Really.) because we were going to get a resolution. It’s like Mad Men, each week slowly builds, we learn the characters and then get the big payoff in the last few episodes of the season.

But then, after all my patience you decide to throw me for a loop and continue the mystery onto next season?

No, The Killing. Not cool. I want to like this show, I really do, and the acting is superb. But I’m not sitting through another 12 episodes of us trying to track down the same killer.

“But Jenn,” you might say. “Isn’t the point the journey, not the destination? Character development, blah blah blah?” You might say that. I agree with that, hence the Mad Men comparison. The difference being that The Killing didn’t have an interesting journey. The best character development, Holder, got screwed by his weird dirtbag reveal. What about all those tender partner to partner moments? When did he turn and start framing Richmond? And who is he working for anyway?

I don’t mind plot twists or finales that reveal absolutely nothing. I am a Lost fan, after all. But say what you will about those cliffhangers, at least shit actually happened on that show. If I had to watch seven episodes of nothing but Jack sitting in the jungle in the rain brooding before we opened the hatch and saw nothing inside it, I’d still be writing angry letters.

The Killing just needs to work on its pacing, its vision for the series (deciding halfway through the season to postpone the solution? Bad idea) and give us a conclusion that makes sense. We’ve waited patiently; please don’t punish us for it.

Oh, and bring back Rubicon.